Friday, May 18, 2007

The Road Goes Forward, Only

I slept through the time when I was supposed to be walking for a cure for cancer. The truth be told, I am kind of glad. I didn't really want to face anyone tonight. I feel like I am on a tightwire and everyone is trying to push me off, even the breeze.

I went to bed for awhile and picked up the daily reading Bible under my bedside table. I turned to the passage for reading for May 18th and found a series of proverbs mainly dealing with discipline and the difference between the wicked and the righteous. Do I flatter myself by thinking that the righteous apply to me? Am I the man of integrity? Cindy would say so.

I think the ones about discipline apply. I am being disciplined by God to return to Him. I really think he is trying to move me toward Him. I feel the push. And now this need for correction.

I have to look at this as a time of correction. Otherwise, I feel like I am falling away. There are other proverbs which talk about the end of the wicked. I feel like I am being pushed away, separated from others. I can't continue to think this way. I have to deal with these mistakes and the consequences and learn from my mistakes. There is no other way to respond to these mountains upon which the trail winds. You can't stop and you can't go back. You have to keep on because there is no other way to traverse the trail.

I spend so much of my time in the past. I have always enjoyed looking backward. But the trail winds forward. And you can't go back. No matter how hard you try or want or yearn.

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