I awoke to the beating of my heart and the knowledge that I had to be in court in Barnesville at 9:00 o'clock this morning. My actions were mechanical because my thoughts were on my presentation this morning. I had the first case, but I knew there was a likelihood that my case would be the last one of the day. I also knew that there was quite a likelihood that the case would last several hours in time.
Being in court is a stress test. I lose sleep because I am thinking about the case constantly. Everything else is placed on the back burner because the only thing I can deal with is the case at hand. I don't write notes, because it is more workable to work it out in my head. Its me. I don't recommend it to everyone.
So I drove down to Barnesville, taking a long route around the south end of Spalding County, trying to find my way back to the road to Barnesville (that's the Dixie Highway, folks) and leaving myself just a twenty to fifteen minute wait until the judge came up on the bench to consider the parties.
At any rate, I was sitting around waiting and wondering and thinking about the case and waiting and then, finally, at 10:30, they call the case and we begin. Four and a half hours later the show was over. I lost and my body was cooling down and flowing away from my brain like toothpaste out of the tube.
Now, I am at the end of the day and I can feel the buzz remainder in my arms and I am aiming toward sleep even though my body doesn't feel like it is ready. I had the taste of steak in my mouth earlier today. I can still taste it. I could have used a beer. That would have assisted the unwinding. I lost today. Everyone needs an attorney, even the loser. Not everyone wins in this situation. You don't win them all. One of the deputy clerks congratulated me on my effort. He sees a lot of attorneys. That felt nice.
Tomorrow is another day, another trial. I lost more games than I won in college. I think about the games and I see the moments, just moments of victory, even if we lost the game. There are moments when I excelled or came close. Real close. You can't tell it by the scores. You can't tell it by the win/loss. Ultimately, you have to be philosophical about it. Otherwise, you would go mad.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
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