Tigers and lapdogs

I want a kittie.

What kind?

The soft, striped kind.

A tabby?

I don't know, the kind that has claws.

Well, all kitties have claws.

But velvet paws.

That's sweet.

One to lay in my lap, perhaps,
Or at my feet.

Why do you want a kittie?

I like kitties.

Ok, but what kind of kittie do you want?

I striped kittie with orange and black stripes.

Really?

And large paws as big as oven mits.

Yes?

And a body as long as a sofa.

That's big.

And a purr to keep me awake at night.

That's loud.

And the desire to keep me safe.

Inside his belly?

Is that the only option?

Sounds like it.

Hmm, maybe I'll get a dog.

That's a good idea, try a lap dog.

As long as its housebroken.